[.just simply me.]

[.that moment.]

that moment. when you realize just how much you care about someone. it’s a defining moment, really. it’s that moment when you realize that something has changed between you and this person. you see them differently. no longer as “just friends,” but a possibility of more than that. and even though you aren’t with them, even though you might not end up together, there’s still that hope that maybe, just maybe, you will. and it’s that hope that we hold on to. you can’t help it sometimes. even when all the odds are against you. even when people don’t understand. even when you’re scared and there’s a part of you that wants to keep quiet about things changing and just pretend like it’s not there but you can’t stand the thought of not saying anything and not knowing, so you take the jump anyway and hope the other person feels the same way. even when it doesn’t make sense but in that it makes sense all the same…this moment is when you realize you would do anything to be with them. you realize that even though you may have been hurt in the past and swore to yourself that you would never again put yourself in this position, you find that you have hope, which is something you thought you had lost. you realize that’s it all the little things you’re drawn to about them; how they make you laugh without even really trying. how you can talk for hours and not get bored. the sound of their voice. their laugh. their faith in God and how it brings you closer to Him. the things you share with each other over time that make up who you are. the way they make you think about things you never really thought about before. the way that just talking to them is an adventure. the way they aren’t afraid to challenge you. the way they love life and live it, instead of just existing. they way they can make you feel like the most blessed girl in the world just by knowing that they took time out of their busy day to talk to you. it’s that moment that everything changes and you see things in a different light. it’s a moment that you never really forget. this moment, is the moment that started it all; it’s how your story really began with this person. it’s one of the best moments. even if you don’t end up together, there will be someone out there who, when you meet them and get to know them, you’ll have this moment and it will change everything. it will change life as you know it. hold onto that moment. and when you forget what it was that brought you together in the first place, remember this moment. allow this moment to be what keeps you going and what rekindles the fire if you feel it burning out. life is made up of moments, little moments, that when you look back, were the best moments of your life. so don’t forget to look for these moments and appreciate them.

[.may 10, twothousandtwelve.]

relationships. we think we know what we want. but really, we don’t. or if we do, what we want really doesn’t matter. at least, it shouldn’t. it should matter what God wants. see, as a girl, i have always had this picture in my head of what i wanted when it came to the guy that i would fall in love with and marry someday. but that picture in my head is so far off from what God has in store for me. i get that now. i am learning to want what God wants for me and to let go of what i want. and relationships and marriage is something i am learning to let go of. and to be honest, it’s hard. it’s hard waiting to fall in love. it’s hard waiting for that right time. mainly because i don’t know when that will happen. it ain’t gonna happen when i think it will or when i think i’m ready; it’ll happen when God says it will and when God says that i am ready. i am learning to trust His judgment and His timing. 

i came across a book called, finally the bride: finding hope while waiting, and it’s about waiting for that love that God has planned for you; the one far better than the one you could even imagine. as i was reading it last night, this hit home for me.

“let Me love you for a while. make Me enough. your love is coming. he is coming. put it aside for now and wait on Me. you will watch My faithfulness unfold. it will sneak up on you when you least expect it. lay it all down. i have given you plenty of tasks. focus on those. let Me pave the way for your love story. you don’t need to do anything. let Me write your love story. let Me be the author.”

it’s hard, letting go of the pen and surrendering it to God so that He can write my love story. but i know that it will all be so, so worth it. i have seen both ends of the spectrum. i have seen what marriage is like without Christ as the center, and i have also seen what marriage can be like with Christ as the center and how amazing marriage can be. and i want the latter of the two. i want that Christ centered relationship and marriage and i need Him to write it because if i try, when i have tried in the past to write it myself, it didn’t go so well and i made a mess of everything. so today, and as many times as i have to until it happens, i am letting go of my picture of the guy i want and of how and when i want things to happen and i am giving God the pen. He can write my story.